Only in America...

• 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
• 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
• 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
• 4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
• 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
• 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
• 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
• 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
• 9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
• 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

and Vernon Fraley with your news now...

• An Indian man who eight months ago decided to spend his life in a tree has died. He fell out of it.
• Following drinking binge in Christchurch, New Zealand, Koto Salaki passed out - so his buddies stripped him and shaved off his eyebrows as a joke. Getting no reaction, they proceeded to cut off his ear and glue it onto his forehead. Doctors managed to sew it back on.
• After a heavy drinking session in Weymouth last week, 51 year old Philip Pyne fancied a kip on a bench. To stop himself rolling off, he put 12 nails through his trousers and in the process, drove several of them through his leg. Fortunately he was discovered by police.
• When 65-year-old Les Edwards shoveled some coal on to his living-room fire tuesday, a sudden explosion rendered him deaf and blind. The mystery blast was traced to the accidental inclusion of a detonator in the coal mix. The National Coal Board admitted negligence.
• An operation at Nottingham hospital in Monday ended prematurely when the patient exploded. The casualty, an 82-year-old woman, was undergoing electrosurgery for cancer. The blast was attributed to an unusual build-up of stomach gases ignited by the sparks.
• The Cinnamon family from Washington were surprised when several ball-sized chunks of green ice crashed through their roof and landed on the floor beside them. The ice soon melted, giving off a revolting odour. The Cinnamons were not happy to later discover that the ice was frozen human waste from the leaky sewage system of a passenger jet.
• Phreakers, or 'phone hackers,' managed to break into the telephone system of 'Weight Watchers' in Glasgow, and changed the outgoing message to 'Hello, you fat son of a *****.'
• The defence in an Irish murder trial hung on whether the accused, Thomas McGann, could draw a gun from his pocket without shooting himself. Demonstrating in court, his lawyer shot his own foot, and died 12 hours later. McGann, however, was acquitted.
• Police in France are continuing their search for a man who has been robbing banks dressed as a giant aubergine. During an armed robbery in Marseilles, he was asked by the manager 'Are you serious?', to which he replied 'No, I am an aubergine,' and fired a shot. The man escaped with the cash leaving a real aubergine on the counter.
• Last sunday, suspected drug dealer Alfred Acree tried to evade capture in Charles County, Virginia, by running into a wood. The police had no trouble following him because he was wearing a pair of 'Light Gear' trainers, with battery powered lights that flash when the heel is pressed.
• During a 'smash and grab' on a Zurich jeweller saturday, a thief had his finger cut off by broken glass as he grabbed a tray of rings. The police identified the finger from their fingerprint records and arrested the thief within a few hours.
• When a crook decided to steal the central heating system from an empty house in Fulham, he removed a pipe connected to the gas supply, then lit a match so that he could see. Although the house exploded, he continued with the job and even returned the next day, only to be arrested.

Hey gummi, here is a little chinese for ya!

• That's not right: Sum Ting Wong
• Are you harboring a fugitive?: Hu Yu Hai Ding?
• See me ASAP: Kum Hia Nao
• Stupid Man: Dum Gai
• Small Horse: Tai Ni Po Ni
• Did you go to the beach?: Wai Yu So Tan?
• I bumped into a coffee table: Ai Bang Mai Ni
• I think you need a face lift: Chin Tu Fat
• It's very dark in here: Wai So Dim?
• I thought you were on a diet: Mun Ching?
• This is a tow away zone: No Pah King
• You are not very bright: Yu So Dum
• I got this for free: Ai No Pei
• Please stay a while longer: Wai Go Nao?
• Stay out of sight: Lei Lo
• He's cleaning his automobile: Wa Shing Ka
• Your body odor is offensive: Yu Stin Ki Pu

To remember those fallen in the line of duty..

of the past and present.

MEMORIAL DAY

She lived, She died, She affected us...

Holla at the lil lam thats off to a better place

We are political gangstas...

Republicans: another reason not to be a Democrat/Ass

A question for the girls of the world...

Thats right its you

Great scott! a killer whale!

Thats just wrong

Don't smoke

It will kill you

Dirty Creatures

Birds

Its a great feeling...

My best friend

Pain Day

The price you pay for soccer

awwwww...

cute puppies

Welcome to...

The World of Darktice Inc.

courtesy of WoD Inc.

Let us pray...

Please pray for the recovery of the grandmother

of my beloved friend JEM. She is having heart

problems and needs our prayers

A Pets Diary Part 2: Cat's Mission Log

• Day 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
  
• Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed.
  
• Day 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ... Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
  
• Day 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
  
• Day 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
  
• Day 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
  But I can wait, it is only a matter of time ...

A Pet's Diary Part 1: The Schedule of a Dog

• 
  Day number 180
• 8:00 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
• 9:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
• 9:40 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
• 10:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
• 11:30 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
• 12:00 noon - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
• 1:00 pm - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
• 4:00 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
• 5:00 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
• 5:30 pm - Oh boy! Mom! My favorite!
  
• Day number 181
• 8:00 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
• 9:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
• 9:40 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
• 10:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
• 11:30 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
• 12:00 noon - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
• 1:00 pm - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
• 4:00 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
• 5:00 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
• 5:30 pm - Oh boy! Mom! My favorite!
  Day number 182
• 8:00 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
• 9:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
• 9:40 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
• 10:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
• 11:30 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!1
• 2:00 noon - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
• 1:00 pm - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
• 1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
• 4:00 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
• 5:00 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
• 5:30 pm - Oh boy! Mom! My favorite!

Church Bulletin Board Bloopers

• Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
  
• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
  
• The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
  
• Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.
  
• This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
  
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
  
• Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
  
• The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
  
• Announcement for a National PRAYER and FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
  
• Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  
• Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
  
• During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
  
• The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
  
• This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
  
• "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

Cheeks are beautiful things!

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told her husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.

Way down in Kokamo..

Off the Florida Keys there's a place called Kokomo, That's where you wanna go to get away from it all, Bodies in the sand, tropical drink melting in your hand, We'll be falling in love to the rhythm of a steel drum band, way down in Kokomo

Ah, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take you to Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama, Key Largo, Montego, baby why don't we go, down to Kokomo, we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow That's where we wanna go, way down in Kokomo. Martinique, that Monserrat mystique...

We'll put out to sea and we'll perfect our chemistry, By and by we'll defy a little bit of gravity. Afternoon delight, cocktails and moonlit nights, That dreamy look in your eye, give me a tropical contact high, Way down in Kokomo,

Ah Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya to Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama, Key Largo, Montego, baby why don't we go, down to Kokomo, we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow, thats where we wanna go, Way down in Kokomo...

Cair Paravel

I am a broken warrior..

with a war to fight

Conformity..

is never the name of the game

Oww!

He's gonna feel that in the morning

lil Bob Jones..

need I say more?

New Orleans funk boy!

Joe on the cell

Big Joe Horn

New Orleans

REPRESENT!

New Orleans Saints

Deuce McAllister

Rockin out in..

Baby Heaven

Skittles...

Taste the Rainbow

Vacation Spot of Darktice

One of my many vacation spots

for those who hate the cold...

Use what God gave you

When I can't sleep at night...

cuz I'm thinkin of her...

So lonely...

She threw a curveball at me

One of my friends recently surprised me with a statement that I would not have agreed on unless I was back in the 6th grade. Surprisingly, when she said I was blasted back to those years of what I used to be. A part of me was reawaken. I realized what I had lost, and where I had been. She probably didn't even know what she did. She made me look at what I am, how I have changed over my life. She was just trying to make a point but she pointed out something I never thought about. Things like school, rascism, hate, friendships, and things like that.

May is for Mary...

Have mercy on us