This is the best halo trailer I have seen. I'm not sure if this is a game trailer or if it is a movie trailer. The site said it was a movie trailer but I don't believe them. Anyway, even if you don't like halo this is still pretty good. I personally really don't care about it that much, but it is still pretty good. I hope all you Wii players are satisfied, cuz you ain't gettin this. |
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
A little bit of proof that Xbox 360 is the best out there...
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
The papal fortress
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Saturday, November 11, 2006
I thought I'd have nightmares...
So I recently saw the grudge, and I had the expectation of a horror movie and I was very dissapointed. Sure, the croaking sounds on the phone were kinda weird and when the japanese lady came down the stairs at the end that was freaky, but other than that I really wasn't scared. So I hope the second one is a whole lot better than this or I am going to hate horror movies for a while. As of now I do not like asian girls with long hair, but I'm sure I will get over it in a couple of weeks.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Til the end of the world...
I've been thinking about the end of the world after my class when we talked about revelations. So many people try to predict it and none of us are truly ready for it. If we all lived life like it was our last day, would this world be better or worst? So many people throughout history think that the end of the world is coming during their lives. I guess its typically human to think that everything will end with us. Even still I think that the end of the world will come in my lifetime and I can't help the feeling that I will never be ready for it. I guess the knowledge of the world coming to an end propelled the saints b/c they always seem to have lived like each day was their last and compeletely happy about it. I guess that if I focused on that then I could probably be a better person, except for two things I would run into:
- The world not coming to an end. How would I sustain that attitude throughout all my life?
- Living in the light because of hope and not in the darkness because of despair.
I guess life has its challenges one of them being a good person on a regular basis. If the end of the world can influence me to be a good person it must always be b/c of love of God and not fear of my eternal well-being.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Pretty good band
Until the end by Breaking Benjamin
So clever, whatever, I'm done with these endeavors
Alone I'll walk the winding way (here I stay)
It's over, no longer, I feel it growing stronger
I live to die another day, until I fade away
Why give up? Why give in?
It's not enough, it never is
So I will go on until the end
We've become, desolate
It's not enough, it never is
But I will go on until the end
Surround me, it's easy, to fall apart completely
I feel you creeping up again (In my Head)
It's over, no longer, I feel it going colder
I knew this day would come to end, so let this life begin
Why give up? Why give in?
It's not enough, it never is
So I will go on until the end
We've become, desolate
It's not enough, it never is
But I will go until the end
I've lost my way
I've lost my way
But I will go on until the end
Living is, hard enough, without you fucking up
Why give up? Why give in?
It's not enough, it never is
So I will go on until the end
We've become, desolate
It's not enough, it never is
But I will go on until the end
I've lost my way
I've lost my way
But I will go on until the end
The final fight, I win
The final fight, I win
The final fight, I win
But I will go on until the end
So clever, whatever, I'm done with these endeavors
Alone I'll walk the winding way (here I stay)
It's over, no longer, I feel it growing stronger
I live to die another day, until I fade away
Why give up? Why give in?
It's not enough, it never is
So I will go on until the end
We've become, desolate
It's not enough, it never is
But I will go on until the end
Surround me, it's easy, to fall apart completely
I feel you creeping up again (In my Head)
It's over, no longer, I feel it going colder
I knew this day would come to end, so let this life begin
Why give up? Why give in?
It's not enough, it never is
So I will go on until the end
We've become, desolate
It's not enough, it never is
But I will go until the end
I've lost my way
I've lost my way
But I will go on until the end
Living is, hard enough, without you fucking up
Why give up? Why give in?
It's not enough, it never is
So I will go on until the end
We've become, desolate
It's not enough, it never is
But I will go on until the end
I've lost my way
I've lost my way
But I will go on until the end
The final fight, I win
The final fight, I win
The final fight, I win
But I will go on until the end
Thursday, October 12, 2006
a calm weekend before the storm...
Friday, October 06, 2006
My disordered mind
Agggh!!! I am loaded down this weekend!!! NO fun at all!! This sux! Anyway, I just wanted to say how bad I feel about the people of Apex right now. A chemical plant exploded last night in the city of Apex and many people had to evacuate including one of my friends. She is alright, but It still doesn't decrease how stunned I am by the sudden turn of events. That doesn't make me feel half bad now about my workload... Anyway if you want to say something dumb or request a post or something go on.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Diet Coke and Mentos reaction
This is one of the coolest experiments I have ever seen. Just decided to post this! |
Friday, September 29, 2006
What is dating?
Ok, so where I live we are all having a little trouble deciding on the whole dating thing. This girl that I knows thinks that when you date it gets you into the habit of breaking up with other ppl, and when you are in a marriage situation that habit will kick in, and you will want to break up and get a divorce with someone. I like this girl a lot she is one of my friends, but I personally don't agree with her. Anyway I just wanted to get anybody's opinion who stops by this blog. What do you think dating is? This is a really important question. As for the book, I am working on getting a copy to see what it is all about. Its by Joshua Harris, who gummibear28 and room4spirit pointed out. He started the Rebelution which I have a link to on the blog.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Pretty cool lightsaber duel
Check out this clip that I found on the internet. Apparently a lot of kids have been trying to make lightsaber duel clips. They are really hard to replicate and these guys have been working on this 5 minute clip for months. The clip itself is actually pretty good even tho the ending isn't the best I' ve seen. I'll post more if I find any. |
Thursday, August 17, 2006
School begins...
for failure and success to fight, to defeat the darkness that hides your light
Meet new people with different voices and ways
to continue the friendships with those that have stayed
to do fun things and make new friends
to strengthen old ones so that they never end
Defeat new problems and conquer new tasks
to help the new shy kids to remove their masks
time for a lil V-I-C-T-O-R-Y
for thats what lies ahead and I won't lie
I'm a lil nervous about what in the future will come
I just know that I will not succumb
to the pressure however much that is
oh wait thats my biz
anyway we will see
who has a better year you or me?
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
WoD Inc. presents: Jet Kid
purpose of infiltrating enemy facilities, to steal their
High Security files. Jet Kid is also a highly persuasive
interrogator and negotiatior. Will resort to torture if its
subject refuses to be forthcoming with information.
This newest arsenal in the WoD Inc.'s new deadly
weapons program is able to:
- Fly
- See through all materials
- Magic Powers
- Crotch iron protection (New feature)
- Special kick butt shoes
- Iron flexy hands for smackin faces
- Deadly pig tail
- Super sonic hearing ability
Those are only the standard features! This new butt-whuppin assassin is the latest model in company defense. Not for purchase.
WoD Inc.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Unmeltable
The king's daughter Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic -- anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?
They were M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
(What were you thinking?)
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?
They were M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
(What were you thinking?)
Monday, August 07, 2006
Join The Rebelution!
brothers that are trying to make a difference.
The link is called 'The Rebelution'
Friday, July 28, 2006
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Katrina's wake
is not a pretty sight. The grass is growing like crazy, fences
are twisted, bushes and trees ripped from the ground with the
dirt still attached to the roots. Its been six months now and porches still
have houses missing from them. The cars and motorcycles that were in the storm still look like crumpled up pieces of paper. When will it get better?
Monday, July 10, 2006
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
The things kids ask: Part 2
- If Girls have cooties, why marry them?
- Why do cats have claws, if they only use them to cut fabric?
- If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
- When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose?
- If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
- If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
- If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
- If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
- If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
- Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?
- Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- Just "before" someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
- When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
- Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
- Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
- When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
- Stupidity got us into this mess. Why can't it get us out?
- How do they get the people in the T.v?
- Why?
The things kids ask...
- Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
- What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?
- What would chairs look like if our knees bent the other way?
- If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?
- If you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy, would you get a rash of good luck?
- If all the world's a stage, and all the people players, why isn't there better acting on 'Baywatch'?
- If a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed?
- If you got into a taxi and the driver starts driving backwards, does she/he owe you money?
- If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?
- If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
Monday, June 12, 2006
For those in my drivers ed class...
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
And, yes, Linda is blonde.
One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
And, yes, Linda is blonde.
Intelligence Wanted
Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him.
"So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, 'intelligence?.' "The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"
The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
"So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, 'intelligence?.' "The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"
The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
What is wrong with this paragraph...
This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.
Happy Hunting!
Happy Hunting!
Saturday, June 10, 2006
This song is for my friend, JEM
We circle winter, spring and summer to fall
Spend a lifetime tryin' to make some sense of it all
Trip over questions raised by fallen men
As if there are solutions for the state we're in
In a picture perfect world, there would be no crime
In a picture perfect world, we'd be free
In a picture perfect world, we'd be colorblind
But it's all right, I know we'll be cared for
All right, a place is prepared for
All right, 'cause sooner or later we'll be
In the picture perfect world
Another summer, autumn, winter and spring
We grow accustomed to the nature of things
Do we chase the questions we can't figure out
And overlook what life is all about
In a picture perfect world, there would be no pain
In a picture perfect world, we'd believe
In a picture perfect world, love is not in vain
But it's all right, I know we'll be cared for
All right, a place is prepared for
All right, 'cause sooner or later we'll be
In the picture perfect world
We are here but a moment, then the moment's gone
So why spend precious time we can't afford, no, no
We have only one purpose before the curtain's drawn
So with all our lives, for the cause of Christ, we must glorify the Lord
In a picture perfect world, there would be no pain
In a picture perfect world, we'd believe
In a picture perfect world, love is not in vain
But it's all right, I know we'll be cared for
All right, a place is prepared for
All right, 'cause sooner or later we'll be
In the picture perfect world
Friday, June 09, 2006
What am I?
Two short arms and a head like a rock
Hanging around on a city block;
Wrench my arms and you'll get wet,
But I'll get water from your pet.
What am I?
Hanging around on a city block;
Wrench my arms and you'll get wet,
But I'll get water from your pet.
What am I?
Thursday, June 08, 2006
That age old question that still taunts us...
What came first the chicken or the egg?
The answer:
its obviously the chicken for once the chicken was made, then it could lay an egg for if the egg was first, it would not survive without the warmth of its mama's butt. thus, the chicken came first.
The answer:
its obviously the chicken for once the chicken was made, then it could lay an egg for if the egg was first, it would not survive without the warmth of its mama's butt. thus, the chicken came first.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Never say to a cop...
- 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
- 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
- 3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
- 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
- 5. Are You Andy or Barney?
- 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
- 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
- 8. I pay your salary!
- 9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
- 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
- 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
- 12 When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
When you're feeling down, remember this guy
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his ankle!
Don't laugh! lol!
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by a tribe. The tribe's leader told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to eat all of the fruits without any expression on your face or you'll be boiled." The first, second, and third apples went in... but on the fourth one he winced out in pain, so he was boiled. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was shot. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Only in America...
- 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
- 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
- 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
- 4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
- 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
- 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
- 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
- 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
- 9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
- 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
and Vernon Fraley with your news now...
- An Indian man who eight months ago decided to spend his life in a tree has died. He fell out of it.
- Following drinking binge in Christchurch, New Zealand, Koto Salaki passed out - so his buddies stripped him and shaved off his eyebrows as a joke. Getting no reaction, they proceeded to cut off his ear and glue it onto his forehead. Doctors managed to sew it back on.
- After a heavy drinking session in Weymouth last week, 51 year old Philip Pyne fancied a kip on a bench. To stop himself rolling off, he put 12 nails through his trousers and in the process, drove several of them through his leg. Fortunately he was discovered by police.
- When 65-year-old Les Edwards shoveled some coal on to his living-room fire tuesday, a sudden explosion rendered him deaf and blind. The mystery blast was traced to the accidental inclusion of a detonator in the coal mix. The National Coal Board admitted negligence.
- An operation at Nottingham hospital in Monday ended prematurely when the patient exploded. The casualty, an 82-year-old woman, was undergoing electrosurgery for cancer. The blast was attributed to an unusual build-up of stomach gases ignited by the sparks.
- The Cinnamon family from Washington were surprised when several ball-sized chunks of green ice crashed through their roof and landed on the floor beside them. The ice soon melted, giving off a revolting odour. The Cinnamons were not happy to later discover that the ice was frozen human waste from the leaky sewage system of a passenger jet.
- Phreakers, or 'phone hackers,' managed to break into the telephone system of 'Weight Watchers' in Glasgow, and changed the outgoing message to 'Hello, you fat son of a *****.'
- The defence in an Irish murder trial hung on whether the accused, Thomas McGann, could draw a gun from his pocket without shooting himself. Demonstrating in court, his lawyer shot his own foot, and died 12 hours later. McGann, however, was acquitted.
- Police in France are continuing their search for a man who has been robbing banks dressed as a giant aubergine. During an armed robbery in Marseilles, he was asked by the manager 'Are you serious?', to which he replied 'No, I am an aubergine,' and fired a shot. The man escaped with the cash leaving a real aubergine on the counter.
- Last sunday, suspected drug dealer Alfred Acree tried to evade capture in Charles County, Virginia, by running into a wood. The police had no trouble following him because he was wearing a pair of 'Light Gear' trainers, with battery powered lights that flash when the heel is pressed.
- During a 'smash and grab' on a Zurich jeweller saturday, a thief had his finger cut off by broken glass as he grabbed a tray of rings. The police identified the finger from their fingerprint records and arrested the thief within a few hours.
- When a crook decided to steal the central heating system from an empty house in Fulham, he removed a pipe connected to the gas supply, then lit a match so that he could see. Although the house exploded, he continued with the job and even returned the next day, only to be arrested.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Hey gummi, here is a little chinese for ya!
- That's not right: Sum Ting Wong
- Are you harboring a fugitive?: Hu Yu Hai Ding?
- See me ASAP: Kum Hia Nao
- Stupid Man: Dum Gai
- Small Horse: Tai Ni Po Ni
- Did you go to the beach?: Wai Yu So Tan?
- I bumped into a coffee table: Ai Bang Mai Ni
- I think you need a face lift: Chin Tu Fat
- It's very dark in here: Wai So Dim?
- I thought you were on a diet: Mun Ching?
- This is a tow away zone: No Pah King
- You are not very bright: Yu So Dum
- I got this for free: Ai No Pei
- Please stay a while longer: Wai Go Nao?
- Stay out of sight: Lei Lo
- He's cleaning his automobile: Wa Shing Ka
- Your body odor is offensive: Yu Stin Ki Pu
Monday, May 29, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Saturday, May 20, 2006
A Pets Diary Part 2: Cat's Mission Log
- Day 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
- Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed.
- Day 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ... Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
- Day 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
- Day 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
- Day 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time ...
A Pet's Diary Part 1: The Schedule of a Dog
Day number 180- 8:00 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
- 9:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
- 9:40 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
- 10:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
- 11:30 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
- 12:00 noon - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
- 1:00 pm - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
- 4:00 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
- 5:00 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
- 5:30 pm - Oh boy! Mom! My favorite!
- Day number 181
- 8:00 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
- 9:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
- 9:40 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
- 10:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
- 11:30 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
- 12:00 noon - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
- 1:00 pm - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
- 4:00 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
- 5:00 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
- 5:30 pm - Oh boy! Mom! My favorite!
Day number 182 - 8:00 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
- 9:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
- 9:40 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
- 10:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
- 11:30 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!1
- 2:00 noon - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
- 1:00 pm - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
- 1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
- 4:00 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
- 5:00 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
- 5:30 pm - Oh boy! Mom! My favorite!
Church Bulletin Board Bloopers
- Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
- The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
- Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.
- This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
- Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
- The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
- Announcement for a National PRAYER and FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
- Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
- During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
- The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
- This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
- "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
Cheeks are beautiful things!
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told her husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Way down in Kokamo..
Off the Florida Keys there's a place called Kokomo, That's where you wanna go to get away from it all, Bodies in the sand, tropical drink melting in your hand, We'll be falling in love to the rhythm of a steel drum band, way down in Kokomo
Ah, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take you to Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama, Key Largo, Montego, baby why don't we go, down to Kokomo, we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow That's where we wanna go, way down in Kokomo. Martinique, that Monserrat mystique...
We'll put out to sea and we'll perfect our chemistry, By and by we'll defy a little bit of gravity. Afternoon delight, cocktails and moonlit nights, That dreamy look in your eye, give me a tropical contact high, Way down in Kokomo,
Ah Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya to Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama, Key Largo, Montego, baby why don't we go, down to Kokomo, we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow, thats where we wanna go, Way down in Kokomo...
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